The motherhood myths we all believed

Summer means spending quality time with the children, which is what parents call biking, hiking, swimming, and paying amusement parks several hundred dollars to stand in line behind strangers.

One of these, swimming, results in one of the greatest motherhood myths and I suspect it goes back centuries if not earlier.  In fact, the thirty-minute swimming rule has probably been passed down for centuries, although I suspect it was invented by the first mother who wanted to finish her lunch before supervising another cannonball contest.

I remember being instructed myself as a child to wait thirty minutes after eating before swimming.  Although I wasn’t specifically given the reason why, I quickly surmised it was because if I dared buck this rule, I would get severe cramps and drown. Later, I shared this important life guide with my own children. 

As it turns out, it’s not true.  I suppose I should have figured this out myself just based on observation.  Kids are defying rules all the time, and in my experience, I hadn’t run across a single case of a juvenile swimmer eating a hamburger, jumping in the pool twenty-five minutes later, never to be seen again. 

Motherhood myths generally fall into three categories: things designed to keep children alive, things designed to make them eat vegetables, and things designed to make them stop producing irritating noises.

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Just so all of us moms out there are on the same page, let’s just rip off the Band-Aid and dispel a few of these motherhood myths.

Eating Chocolate Causes Acne

I don’t know what killjoy Mom came up with this one, but I’d actually rather discover that it’s true, since I deprived myself of so much chocolate growing up for this very reason.  If you’re going to suffer the pains of acne in youth, you should at least enjoy the pleasure of eating some delicious chocolate.  I’m guessing this one was devised by the same Mom who mandated eating all your vegetables and cleaning your plate at dinner as a means of ending world hunger.  The last one is sadly untrue.  Too bad.  Imagine how wonderful it would be if we could all be encouraged to eat for a good cause.

You Can Catch a Cold from Being in the Rain

There is nothing more uncomfortable than being caught out in the rain.  It’s miserable.  The only thing worse than getting soaked in a rainstorm is being soaked financially for the cost of one of those rain ponchos at Disney World.  It never fails.  No sooner does a cloud appear in the sky at the Magic Kingdom than out comes all the ponchos and overpriced umbrellas.  The ponchos are especially brutal.  You feel like you’re in a plastic sauna.  The good news?  Contrary to the old motherhood myth, you will not catch cold from this unfortunate situation.  Colds are actually caused by viruses, not precipitation.  You’ll be very miserable, but you won’t become ill.

Coffee Stunts Your Growth

I’m not sure the origin of this little gem, but it’s pretty common (false) knowledge that coffee will stunt a child’s growth.  This one is actually pretty genius.  What could be worse than a caffeinated kid?  Let him believe he won’t top four feet fully grown if he tries it, and you’ll be fairly confident he won’t touch the stuff until he’s past adolescence (although in fairness drinking it as a child may keep him away from it for life—it’s definitely an acquired taste). 

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If You Swallow Gum It Stays in Your Stomach for Seven Years

Here’s one that likely causes anxiety.  Swallowing gum isn’t one of those things that can be undone, so why cause stress over it?  To make matters worse, it’s not true.  Probably best to just tell your child to spit it out and discard it after chewing rather than elicit a panic attack.  I’m not a psychologist, but it seems like common sense.

The same holds true for telling a child that if she swallows a watermelon seed, a watermelon will grow in her stomach. Seems like you’re just guaranteeing future therapy visits by perpetuating that myth.

Cracking Your Knuckles Causes Arthritis

Even though it’s completely untrue, I fully endorse sharing this one.  The only thing worse than hearing someone crack their knuckles is to listen to them scrape their fingernails across a chalkboard.  I imagine some motherhood myths originated to save the sanity of everyone else around them.  I’m pretty sure this is one of them.

Eating Carrots Gives You Perfect Eyesight

Carrots contain vitamin A, which helps maintain normal vision. They will not, however, give you superhero eyesight. You cannot eat a bag of baby carrots and suddenly read the expiration date on salad dressing from across the kitchen.

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However, eating too many carrots can actually turn your skin orange. Now there’s a little motherhood “myth” that sounds a bit crazy but in fact, it’s true!

These are just a few motherhood myths out there, but there are countless others. Feel free to drop me a line at monica@insidethemomsclub.com if you think of others we need to share and debunk. Between Google and AI, all of us Moms need to stick together. We can’t let our kids make liars or fools out of us.